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Yes, Reverend.

Mat Planet (“The Bet” fans know him as “Donnie”) had said before that he was an ordained minister of the Universal Life Church. I thought this was awesome. So much so that I wanted him to officiate our 10-year vow renewal (which we opted to have dinner instead, meh). So much so that I, too, have now become an ordained minister of the ULC. Yes. Really.

As they (the ULC) say, and as I truly believe, “Do only that which is right.”

Why? Am I that spiritual? Well, no, not really. Forgive me if I offend (it wouldn’t be the first time), but here’s my thinking. I think there’s something bigger than us. God? Aliens? I don’t know. But there’s just too much cool shit in the world to leave it all up to evolution. Maybe I’m just playing it safe. But I am adamantly non-denominational because I refuse to believe one crazy story over another. Wine from water? Born from a white elephant? None of it makes any sense, really. I just think we should be good people. Why is that so hard? So, while part of me did the ULC thing as a sort of thumbing-of-the-nose to religion, there’s also a huge part of me that does believe. Something. And there’s a part of me that likes the symbols of the bible. The sevens and the crosses and crucifixes* and the horsemen and Genesis. I don’t believe any of it, but it sounds good. I love the rhythm of the words from the bible. It’s good literature. Little else.

*I’ve wanted, as long as I can remember, to own a crucifix that I could wear as a necklace. I think the only thing that stops me from doing it is feeling like other people won’t get that I wear it as an appreciation for storytelling not that I believe in it. I appreciate marketing. I appreciate mascots. Buddy Christ? Why not. The real one sure hasn’t solved anything.