My office spouse, Shannon answered these on her blog. And now I will:

1. Is your second toe longer than your first?
WTF?! no.

2. Do you have a favorite type of pen?
I like pencils.

3. Look at your planner for March 14, what are you doing?
I don’t even have next week planned. March?!

4. What color are your toenails usually?
Hmmm, this must be a chick quiz.

5. What was the last thing you highlighted?
My days off on the calendar at home.

6. What color are your bedroom curtains?
Wood blinds. No curtains. They never match the carpet just right.

7. What color are the seats in your car?
I sit in them, so they are usually behind me, and I’m paying attention to the road, so I’m not really sure. I think they’re dark grey.

8. Have you ever had a black and white cat?
I think when my wife gets a few more grey hairs… oh. Nevermind.

9. What is the last thing you put a stamp on?
The DVD master for “The Bet.”

10. Do you know anyone who lives in Wyoming?
I hope not.

11. Why did you withdraw cash from the ATM the last time?
Just to have some cash.

12. Whose is the last baby that you held?
Mine. People don’t trust me with their spawn.

13. Unlucky #?
4.

14. Do you like Cinnamon toothpaste?
Never tried it, but after that whole Emeril campaign I swore off ever trying flavored toothpaste.

15. What kind of car were you driving 2 years ago?
BAT BOY. He’s MINI Cooper.

16. Pick one: Miami Hurricanes or Florida Gators?
I don’t know what this means.

17. Last time you went to Six Flags?
We went when my older son was about 4. My wife and her friend did all the cool rides. My son and I did all the kid rides. I think I had a better time than my wife.

18. Do you have any wallpaper in your house?
I have wallpaper in my garage, I think. Leftovers from the hallway set. Otherwise, fuck no.

19. Closest thing to you that is yellow?
A scrap of construction paper left over from figuring out a puzzle in Silent Hill.

20. Last person to give you a business card?
I haven’t given out a business card in years.

21. Who is the last person you wrote a check to?
Safekey.

22. Closest framed picture to you?
A puppy-time shot of a dog we gave away a long time ago. Behind that is a series of baby pictures of my older son, from about 10 years ago. Lord, I am really in need of some housecleaning and updating.

23. Last time you had someone cook for you?
Does fast food count? Technically it does, yes?

24. Have you ever applied for welfare?
No. And would I admit it on this damn thing if I had?

25. How many emails do you have?
Including the exciting opportunity to enlarge my “pen!s” and to get my free Wal-Mart gift card? Between my work and personal emails, about 250.

26. Last time you received flowers?
I hate flowers. What better way to say “I love you forever” then sending something that’s dead in a week.

27. Do you think the sanctity of marriage is meant for only a man & woman?
And Britney Spears.

28. Do you play air guitar?
No. I’m not even talented enough for air instruments.

29. Has anyone ever proposed to you?
Not even indecently.

30. Do you take anything in your coffee?
Fat-free creamer and sugar.

31. Do you have any Willow Tree figurines?
Dunno what that is.

32. What is/was your high school’s rival mascot?
Hmmm, Shannon called us assholes. Snob school. Did they even have a mascot? Valley Vikings.

33. Last person you spoke to from high school?
Dan Kauppi. Oh, and my wife, heh.

34. Last time you used hand sanitizer?
This morning after cleaning the garage.

35. Would you like to learn to play the drums?
Again, too uncoordinated. You can’t teach what can’t be learned.

36. What color are the blinds in your living room?
Wood.

38. Last thing you read in the newspaper?
I don’t read the paper. Or watch the news. If it’s really that important, I’ll hear people talking about it.

39. What was the last pageant you attended?
Never been.

40. What is the last place you bought pizza from?
Vons. CPK frozen pizza.

41. Have you ever worn a crown?
Oooh, Shannon reminded me. Yeah, British crackers with the little toys and the paper crown. That was the highlight of any Christmas at my mom-in-law’s. Reminds me of my grandad-in-law. He was cool.

42. What is the last thing you stapled?
Revisions to a work order.

43. Did you ever drink clear Pepsi?
No.

44. Are you ticklish?
Lord yes.

45. Last time you saw fireworks?
The other day, though there was no reason for it. I think a neighbour had leftovers from 4th of July.

46. Last time you had a Krispy Kreme doughnut?
A long time.

47. Who is the last person that left you a message & you actually returned it?
My wife.

48. Last time you parked under a carport?
Like on a house? Wow, we had one at the first house I lived in. But I was only 6, so I wasn’t driving.

49. Do you have a black dog?
No.

50. Have you had your mid life crisis yet?
I’m terrified of when that happens. Fasten your seatbelts; it’s gonna be bumpy.

51. Are you an aunt or uncle?
Uncle. Except on weekends. Then I’m both.

52. Who has the prettiest eyes that you know of?
I could get in trouble if I answer this one.

53. What kind of soap or body wash do you use?
Whatever my wife bought me.

54. Do you remember Ugly Kid Joe?
Huh? I am very sheltered.

55. Do you have a little black dress?
See question 51.